Wednesday, September 26, 2012

In a Blink

The irony is, I was interviewing potential candidates for the job of keeping my kids safe when I'm not around.

I brushed him off a few times, promising I'd get him the requested snack when I was done chatting with the young lady.

Then she was gone. And he was gone.

Not upstairs.

Not downstairs.

Not in the front yard.

Not anywhere I could see in our wooded acre-sized lot.

I yelled and yelled and yelled and heard nothing but silence and the goddamn freeway.

He's exited the building unnoticed before, but always appears after a brief, terrible moment.

This time the minutes ticked by as my insides turned to ice. Running to the back of the property and forth again, yelling, yelling. I couldn't even pretend to reassure her that her brother was ok.

Finally I had to give up on my voice and my legs.

We got in the car and I had to force myself to take the time to buckle her harness.

At the end of the driveway...right or left? Where would his five-year-old compass take him?

I chose right. Drove down and around, to the point where I know he's emerged from the woods on chaperoned adventures.

A flash of red nylon and the most precious white t-shirt I've ever seen. There, by the freeway wall, completely calm until I grabbed him and cried.

He's fine, but I wish I didn't know the terrible feeling of the possibility of losing him.


Mary W. said...

I'm so glad that he was fine, and so sorry that you had to experience it. That silence when you expect them to answer is so incredible terrifying.

Heather said...

I'm so so so glad Pacey is ok. So glad. I hope your blood pressure is back to normal and you're not beating yourself up too badly (I'd say not beating yourself up at all, but you're a mom and that is what we do).

Hug them both close tonight and remind yourself that you're a wonderful, wonderful mom. Then figure out how to put a cat bell around his neck so you always know where he is. ;)

Kerri said...

Oh my gosh, what a feeling. This has happened with Boo a couple of times. Thankfully she was found before the unthinkable happened. There was a study that showed 40% of autistic children go missing. When I heard that figure I lost a couple more hours of sleep.

I hope you rest easy tonight. I will be thinking of you

Michelle said...

You are so right that it happens in a blink; I've gone through this with Kayla and the not knowing is awful. You just don't know which way they've turned and you're afraid to go one way for fear they went the other and you'll lose more precious time. So thankful you made the right turn and found him, and all was well.

Elsha said...

Wow, how scary. I'm glad he's okay!