I've been expending rather too much mental energy and brain space lately on things that are largely out of my control. It's been hard to see and appreciate where my time goes since so much of what I do is consumed instantly...food is eaten, clean clothes are dirtied, toys redistributed, etc. One of the things I loved so much about the first year staying at home full time was how accomplished I felt just keeping on top of the daily chores of life. I don't know whether my standards for myself have naturally increased over time or what, but I'm having a hard time feeling any real sense of achievement.
I've said it already but the kids are requiring more constant attention these days. Brighton is not napping right now unless I want her to stay up until 9:30 pm (which is, um, never). While Pacey is still content to disappear and play by himself for periods of time, my lovely little shadow is never far from my side and is, in fact, insisting at this very moment that "you gotta talk to me Mom!" My to-do lists are constantly half-finished, which to me is worse than not writing them in the first place.
I do, however, have a happy life, comfortable home, solid relationship and two strong, healthy, smart and increasingly well-mannered children and I have to attribute a lot of that to my efforts. So, I'm going to try to start focusing more on what I CAN (and do) get done during a day, rather than all those things that aren't getting done.
The kids have spring break next week and we have lots of fun things planned with friends. My tomato seedlings are going gangbusters and we'll probably get out in the yard this weekend or next and get our vegetable bed built and ready for planting later in April. We're spending more time with different friends and I feel like we're really building our "village." We're closing in on the end of our second year here in Minnesota and it really feels like home. I am prepared to give myself a little credit for making that happen.
I really loved the 31 for 21 challenge I did last October, so I am going to make a commitment to myself to write something here every day in April (although I'll probably cheat and try to bang out a few entries to have in reserve in the next few days!). My mom brought some old school work of mine with her when she came earlier this month, and hidden among the journals I kept through early elementary school was a journal she kept during the first months of my life. I so, so loved reading her thoughts about me as a baby and about motherhood. I do want part of this blog to be a connection my kids will have to me when they are older and thinking about my mom's entries will help inspire me to keep writing.
For now, though, I gotta go talk to my daughter. :)